How Not to Keep Your Kid in School

John Doe was like most wayward teens, disinterested with school, hated his parents but was completely unwilling to take on any the responsibility his parents shouldered on his behalf such as housing, clothing and sustenance. The only thing the parents hadn’t provided to this point was a vehicle.

Skilled in the art of manipulation, John managed to milk his parents for all they were worth both emotionally and financially not out of malicious intent but out of learned behaviour. In this kid’s scant 17 years of existence, It is almost certain his parents had never uttered the word “no” and always had taken the path of least resistance in raising their child.

The first half of the year John’s mother would call on a daily basis obviously crying, frustrated with trying to get this kid up and to school.

“Please help!” she would say “I can’t get him to school, isn’t there anything you can do?”

What she and many parents don’t understand is that if they can’t get their kid to do something the school will have even less success. In this particular case psychologists, social workers, police and judges couldn’t get this kid to do what they wanted, he was out of anybody’s influence.

Strategy after strategy was used to persuade, dissuade and nursemaid this child into attending school, stop getting arrested and to become a useful citizen of the world.

At the end of 4 months an abysmal attendance record and nary an assignment handed in, it was suggested that it might be time for his parents to show this child the door. Force him to fend for himself and remove him from the comfortable world his parents had created for him.

“Oh no we couldn’t do that! He won’t finish school if we do that”

It was time we let mother in on the worst kept secret in the history of secrets

“He ain’t gonna graduate anytime soon when he is hiding out in your basement smoking pot and drinking beer all day!”

“Oh no, no… He isn’t doing that! He wouldn’t do that!”

After much begging and pleading we agree to hold onto dear John until the end of January at which time we would decide if he will stay or go.

“Oh thank you! My husband and I will talk with John over Christmas and lay down the law”

January 3rd comes and John is waiting for the doors of the school to open.

“Wow! You and your parents must have had one hell of a talk.”

“No not really.” “Hey did you see my Christmas present in the parking lot?”

A brand spanking new Volkswagen Jetta VR6 with all the bells and whistles.

That day mother calls us to say what a wonderful Christmas they had. She went on to explain that she and her husband discussed it and decided that rather than laying down the law, if they bought John a car for Christmas he would feel obligated to attend school.

John attended school for the first week after Christmas. We haven’t seen him since.

Anyone Up For Golf

Regardless what Hillary Clinton says, for most parents, raising children is “their” lifes work and has little to do with Mrs. Clinton’s village. In essence, a child’s success or failure in life is a reflection of just how well a parent has done their job.

Unfortunately some parents abdicate their opportunity to parent and subscribe to the village analogy because of their inability, blatant neglect or just plain laziness.

On this particular occasion our program was to receive a young man who had been kicked out of every school in town for such things as truancy, drug and alcohol use and various other unscholarly behaviours.

The father was a workaholic the mother an alcoholic. The kid was in serious distress and in dire need of professional psychiatric help or perhaps just a couple of parents who gave a damn.

The father came to the intake meeting, said all the right things, furrowed his brow at all the right times, smiled lovingly at his kid intermittently, we thought we might have a genuine chance in helping this kid out given the fathers apparent interest in his kid.

After about a 45 minute meeting the plan in place, dad stands up and says, “Well got a flight to Phoenix to catch, see ya in two weeks.”

As he heads out the door he turns and declares to the three staff members present. “Fix my kid and there’s a golf weekend someplace nice in it for ya.”

How to Buy Your Child's Love

Cell phones have become an integral of everyone’s lives it has become for many, a, can’t live without item. It is no different for kids these days in fact they are the engines, which are driving the digital age and consume every new innovation with an insatiable appetite.

It was a late spring day, when an effervescent young lady came running, breathless and desperate to the office.

“Can I please use the phone!?”

The receptionist declines the request and tells the girl to return to class.

“But it is really important!”

“I forgot something in my dad’s car and he is leaving on a business trip and he won’t be back for a week!”

The receptionist softens and grants the request. The girl franticly dials her father, hoping he is still driving to the airport.

“Daddy!”

“I forgot my cell phone in your car this morning when you dropped me off and I really need it.”

“Can you send it to me?”

The office staff looks at one another and collectively roll their eyes. Before the receptionist can tell the girl to get off the phone that her forgotten cell hardly constitutes an emergency the girl blurts out.

“Ok Daddy!” -------------- “Thank you!” ----------------- “I love You!”

As quickly as she came she dashes back out the door and down the hall to class.

Heads shaking the office staff return to running the school and think nothing more of the frantic call.

Some time later a cabby walks in, cell phone and envelope in hand.

“I have to leave this for Jane Doe.” The same girl who made the frantic call an hour or so earlier.

A fifty-dollar cab ride from the Airport to the school just so this girl wouldn’t miss a call? Will wonders ever cease?

At the end of the day, when the girl comes to claim her digital identity, the receptionist hands over the cell and the envelope. She immediately pockets the phone then tears into the envelope in which she finds two crisp hundred-dollar bills.

Gleefully she similes and calls a friend on a phone that has cost her father 150$ on that day alone and says, “lets go shopping!”

The appointment

The school received a call shortly after class began and it was the mother of a primary child, grade 3 if I recall correctly. She was reporting that her daughter was sick and would not be able to participate in class on this day.

The mother did however have a request of the school. Could she bring her daughter into school to be watched while she went to a “very important appointment” that could not be changed? She promised it would be no more than a hour and the child could just sleep in the sick room while she was gone.

As unusual as the request was the Principal agreed, assuming that the mother would not make such a request if the appointment wasn’t truly pressing and she had no other options. Shortly after the Principal had agreed to the arrangement, the sick room was made ready and the mother dropped the child off.

“No more than an hour the mother reiterated”, with that she made her escape.

The hour came and went and so did a second. In that time, the child’s condition had deteriorated and vomiting was added to their list of symptoms. As with all young children, when vomiting ensues comforting is needed so the Principal became the default nursemaid.

As the third hour approached the mother finally returned from her pressing “appointment.” She was all primped and preened looking as bright as a summer’s day.

She had been at the spa… Her unavoidable appointment was a morning at the spa.

Surrogate Parents, Ward of the Professionals

Teacher parent meetings are not all that unusual and in a program for kids who are a bit rough around the edges, these meetings occur a little more frequently than "normal".

Usually these meetings are precipitated by some random act or behaviour that is completely unacceptable in a school setting and the school, out of obligation, must make the attempt to involve the parent(s) in the solution.

In this particular case the student had lost their licence due to at least one DUI that we knew about. Rumour had it that two accidents and one vehicle theft had also contributed to the licence revocation.

Needless to say when said student was transporting a number of other students to the local Micky D’s for lunch we just had to blow the whistle. A quick call to the local police garnered a traffic stop, which resulted in this student receiving a number of fines and a formal invite to a court appearance at a later date.

Not 24 hours later we receive a call from the parents of this child requesting a meeting about the incident. Not wanting to pass up the opportunity to meet with parents we happily accepted.

Most parents arrive at these meeting sheepish and apologetic, eager to make amends for their children’s behaviour. This was not one of those occasions.

“We thought you were suppose to work in the best interests of our son”

“How could you call the police on our son?”

Our explanation about how the safety and wellbeing of the students under our supervision is of paramount importance and that their son’s actions was a threat to the safety and wellbeing of himself and four other children fell on deaf ears.

After almost an hour of hashing out the finer points of what the responsibilities of teachers are, the father sums up where he and his wife are coming from.

"We have left the raising of our child up to the professionals and you have sorely disappointed us”